Well I have done it! I have smoked my last cigarette at 11am this morning, I am not feeling too bad although the cravings are pretty harsh tonight, I am just taking it one day at a time, the experts say the nicotine is out of your system within 3 days so that will be my first milestone, I am taking it one day at a time but am hopeful and quietly confident that this is it, I am now a non-smoker! Wish me luck!

Wow it has been so long since I posted, have been flat out, won't try and catch up will just start with today :)
Last night we had our Poker night and I made it to the final table woohoo! Was the first one off the final table but that's ok it was good to just get there. I am now coming 14th. Gary is still in 3rd place and we are officially hooked!
I went to Big W and got myself some shorts and a shirt and a new pair of joggers, downloaded some audio books to my ipod and went for a 45min walk today, came home and did some sit ups etc and am feeling very fit, now to make sure I do it again tomorrow LOL
Other than that not much else happened today, we are planning Rhett's birthday party for this Monday afternoon, can't belive my baby will be 5!

Had an interesting weekend, went to the Races for a little while on Saturday afternoon and that was so much fun, will have to try and go more often as I really enjoyed it! I went with Michelle, Di, Mal and Gary, us girls had to leave early so we could get back to my place for Di's bridal shower.
So we did the Bridal shower which was an UndercoverWear party and I bought myself a lovely black and white dress :)
Then we ate and had a few drinks and listened to some music and talked, it was a good night. Very exciting in the football department as the Grand Final I predicted and wanted is going to happen Bronco's vs Storm! So funny that no Sydney teams are in the Grand Final, I really wish the NRL would recognise QLD supporters and have a Queensland hosted Grand Final every few years... even every 4 years would be fair.
On Sunday woke up feeling a little bit worse for wear but not too bad and spent the day cleaning the house as it was a pigsty from the party. I managed to read the paper and watched some TV that night and slept until about 3am when Rhett woke us up!

My Pop has gone to hospital, mum rang and said he came home after doing the shopping and was disoriented and didn't know where he was or what was happening, I am really worried about him, he has had a lot of ill health in the last couple of years and I am scared the end is near. My Nan and Pop basically raised me, as both my parents worked full time and they would always take me on holidays with them, I was their first grandchild and the first girl (my grandparents had three boys) so I guess they spoiled me,I love them so much, I know that in the circle of life that it is most likely that they will die in my lifetime but I still don't think I am ready :(
I am so glad we went down there last christmas to see them as it may be the last time. Here is a photo of my Nan and Pop :)

In happier news the new tables turned up for the shop and they look terrific, I can't believe I could get so excited about tables but I am! I have also cleaned out my wardrobe and have a huge pile of clothes ready for the Salvo's and Ebay (not looking forward to uploading to Ebay though)Have also sorted out my scrapping room and am looking forward to being able to use it (now just to find time)

Savannah had her Girl Guides break up tonight and had a great time, she has been so wonderful this week, helping out around the house and being lovely.. she is going to her dad's for the school holidays and I will miss her.

Rhett has been the little socialite this week, with Pierce coming over for a play date on Tuesday and Lillian coming over today. He is in my bad books today though as he woke up at at 3.40am and 5am this morning so I am falling asleep at the computer! I told him if he managed to sleep all night tonight I would take him to the park in the morning LOL.. still not sure if that is what you would call good parenting but I need a full nights sleep!!

Teina came over for a cuppa this morning which was good as I haven't seen her for a while, I am hoping she comes to Midnight Madness tomorrow night. Di also came over for a chat and then Cynthia came over as well, so it was a very busy visiting day!

Went to bowls on Saturday under suffrence, Gary and I almost had a big fight over it because I whinged so much about not wanting to play LOL.. the weather was miserable here in Atherton so I didn't want to play outside in the rain, it ended up being a nice day in Yungaburra though so wasn't too bad. Played terrible bowls but I think that was because I wasn't really interested in being there!
After bowls I rushed up to Gail and Bob's and got changed to go to Cairns for Cathy and Kathy's 40th birthday dinner at Fetta's Greek Restaurant. Kim picked me up and we headed down the hill, it wasn't a bad drive, felt a bit off after the range but not too bad.
Took us a little while to find the place and get a park as there was a festival happening so streets were packed with people. We actually found it by accident and got a park not too far away as someone was pulling out.
The restaurant was loud and fun and very Greek, the service was a bit iffy though, first the waitress told us she couldn't do a seperate bill for the tables and we couldn't go up to the bar to be served individually so we ended up having to keep track of our own drinks which was a bit of a pain but ok. Then we had some older Greek waiter get very frustrated with the group because he couldn't keep track of how many there were and asked us all to sit down so he could count us LOL
It was certainly a little bizarre to be treated like that at a restaraunt! The last thing I am going to bitch about is how long it took to get fed!! We arrived at 7pm and the entree was served at 8.30pm we were starving!! At 10pm we still hadn't had dessert and Kim and I had to leave, the food was so oily, I haven't eaten a lot of Greek so I am not sure if that is normal.
Having whinged I will say the entertainment and the company were wonderful so we did have a great time (I am sure the Vodka helped with that lol) and it was wonderful to catch up with Kathy again as I haven't seen her in ages.
So we went back up the range, where I met Gary at Yungaburra (he had stayed behind to go to the local pubs footy tipping comp party - free beer and a feed) and we stayed the night at Gail and Bob's.
Woke up early had a nice cooked breakfast and I headed home while Gary went to Bowls to play in the Pairs comp (which he won) I went and picked up Rhett from Mum and Dad's, had a bit of a chat and got home and cleaned my house and read the paper (I love the Sunday Mail)
At 3pm I picked up Savannah from Giglets, she had a great time and had made a movie using PowerPoint, I am sure she will be a famous director one day, she loves to write stories and make movies and put on plays. Very creative and artistic is my daughter. Mum told us how her and Rhett had put on a circus for them the night before, so fun!
Yesterday Gary went back to work and I realised just how much more productive I am without him in the house, caught up on all the washing and ironing, packed all internet orders and this was with stopping to watch Dr Phil LOL
Today hasn't started well with us cooking the keys with the toaster!! How did that happen, we think they must have fell off the bench into the toaster without our realising it, thank god for safety switches!
Anyway have posted a couple of pics from the party and shoul get back to work. Today's goal my massive To Do pile and a tidy up of the shop.

Another full on day! I managed to be slightly productive, packed about 5 orders ready to send and put a very small dint in my To do pile, the house is a disaster so might have to do that now!

Gail turned up with all Gary's trophies! All those dust collectors so I have just put them on top of my 3 bookcases and told Gary he is not allowed to win anymore as I have nowhere to put them LOL I am just jealous as I have never won a trophy in my life, I am not what you would call the sporty type :) I guess I should be grateful I have been putting off getting the trophies for 8 years.

Gary went out today with Mal to help him out as they are going away to Mackay this weekend for Michelle's sisters 40th birthday party and they were hoping with Gary's help they would be able to get away a bit earlier, unfortunately he still didn't finish until 5pm and Gary was stuffed when he got home. He is back to work on Monday so it was probably good for him to get back into work mode.

Midnight Madness was very quiet tonight, only had Viriginia and Robyne show up but it was good to have a chat and do some scrapping with those two so I was happy, managed to finish one layout and almost finish another one have uploaded the ones from the retreat and tonight to my slide show.

I have bowls tomorrow and then I am off to Cairns for Cathy and Kathy's 40th birthday with Kim so am hoping the kids let me sleep in a bit so I am not completely wrecked! Having said that I had best get to bed!

Grace is a book with many themes and ideas. It is set around Grace a film reviewer for a womens magazine who finds herself the victim of stalking, when an obsessed fan with erotomania fixates on her, this is the catalyst for a story that goes way beyond that of a thriller.

Grace was named by her father an anthropologist who is famous for discovering the skeleton of a woman in the outback and which he believes challenges the "Out of Africa" theory. The story is told from both his and Grace's perspective and so unfolds a tale that takes on many modern topics including Detention Centres, British orphans, aboriginals vs anthropologists rights, feminism and much more. You would think with all these topics that it would be too much, but Drewe manages to introduce them to us slowly and with not much intrusion and weaves them into the story so they all fit together neatly.

I really enjoyed this book and would rate it an 8.5 out of ten

Well I have finally finished organising the shed! It is such a relief, am looking at buying some trestle tables tomorrow and it will be looking pretty spiffy :)
Now I have to organise all my own personal stuff which is a bit scarier but at least I am not under pressure to get that done in a certain amount of time.
Savannah had Girl Guides tonight and the theme was Gothic... pretty strange theme for Guides but I am open minded LOL
She was also very good tonight and cleaned out her wardrobe and sorted it all out and now I have a huge pile of clothes that she doesn't want or which don't fit.. am wondering if I am up for ebay or just give them away :))
Rhett had his show and tell today, Dad went along as he is still on holidays to watch and took some photos, I was told he did very well with the help of Miss Margaret.
Talitha got out of hospital last night, so that is a relief!
My Uncle Wayne and Aunt Margie are up and staying at mum and dad's so we went over this evening to say hello and have a bit of a catch up, it was great seeing them and we had a nice time talking and laughing, I am looking forward to having them around. It is so strange for the last 10 years or so I have been up here alone with no family and now I have my parents and now my Aunt and Uncle! It is a nice feeling :)
Gary is off to help Mal tomorrow so I am going to hit the housework and finish packing internet orders, I have a feeling I will get much more done when Gary is not home!
He is back to work next week and I think I will miss him, it has been nice having him home.
The weather is just miserable today, wet and drizzly and windy and cold, hopefully it will improve a bit for the weekend

Steve Irwin

The death of Steve Irwin has created a lot of controversy, with some people coming out and saying that he was an embarrassment to Australia or that he interfered with wildlife and so deserved what he got. These statements made me angry and then it made me thoughtful.
Why was I reacting so strongly to criticism of a man I didn't know and was previously pretty indifferent to.
So I started to think about why I was so touched and upset by his death and it came to me, he was a nice guy who was a wonderful father and husband (you can't fake his obvious joy and love for his family) and it was sad to see a nice guy die.
To people who say he was an embarrassment I have this to say, I am an Australian and I say crikey all the time, maybe not with the same enthusiasm but I say it.. this inferiority complex Australians have over the way we are seen by the rest of the world is ridiculous! Why can't we be known as a sophisticated people and still be a bit of a larrikan, isn't that what makes us a unique country? The fact that we are smart, cultured and very aware of what is happening in the world and yet we can be a bit over the top and have a good laugh at ourselves! This is what has been missing in Australian culture, we are so busy trying to be "cool" we have lost ourselves and find ourselves ashamed of somebody who was completely comfortable being who he was, to the point where we degrade a man who has died tragically and prematurely and can no longer defend himself. I would rather be an embarrassment than to do that to somebody!
For those who criticise Steve Irwin for encroaching upon Animals and treating them with disrespect, I say get over it! What a ludicrous suggestion, I am often amazed at how people treat animals in the wild with such reverence and yet are quite happy to own a pet dog, Animals by nature are adaptable, if they weren't they would soon become extinct, why do we cling to the belief that wild animals cannot be happy unless they are left alone by humans, how do we know this for sure? I also find it highly amusing that the majority of those who criticise Steve for his work with animals are probably not Vegans and are happy to eat a hamburger and who have probably done nothing personally to solve the problem of wild life conservation.
I don't know enough about whether or not what Steve did was good for wildlife or not, I do know that Steve's shows gave me an appreciation and respect for these dangerous animals that i did not have before. I also believe that what he did was not done for malicious reasons, and I am a great believer in judging people on their intentions and not necessarily the consequences of their actions.
Lastly I am proud of Steve Irwin and who he represented and I only hope that I can be as passionate about life as he was.

This poem by Rupert McCall summed it up for me:

Endless visions fill my head – this man – as large as life
And instantly my heart mourns for his angels and his wife
Because the way I see Steve Irwin – just put everything aside
It comes back to his family – it comes back to his pride
His animals inclusive – Crikey – light the place with love!
Shine his star with everything he fought to rise above
The crazy-man of Khaki from the day he left the pouch
Living out his dream and in that classic ‘Stevo’ crouch
Exploding forth with character and redefining cheek
ItÂ’s one thing to be honoured as a champion unique
ItÂ’s one thing to have microphones and spotlight cameras shoved
ItÂ’s another to be taken in and genuinely loved
But that was where he had it right – I guess he always knew
From his fathersÂ’ modest reptile park and then Australia Zoo
We cringed at times and shook our heads – but true to natures call
There was something very Irwin in the make up of us all
Yes the more I care to think of it – the more he had it right
If you’re going to make a difference – make it big and make it bright!
Yes - he was a lunatic! Yes - he went head first!
But he made the world feel happy with his energetic burst
A world so large and loyal that itÂ’s hard to comprehend
I doubt we truly count the warmth until life meets an end
To count it now I say a prayer with words of inspiration
May the spotlight shine forever on his dream for conservationÂ…

My daughter broke the news to me – my six year old in tears
It was like sheÂ’d just turned old enough to show her honest fears
I tried to make some sense of it but whilst her Dad was trying
His little girl explained it best…she said “The crocodiles are crying”
Their best mate’s up in heaven now – the crocs up there are smiling!
And as sure as flowers, poems and cards and memories are piling
As sure as weÂ’ll continue with the trademarks of his spiel
Of all the tributes worthy – he was rough…but he was real

As sure as ‘Crikey!’ fills the sky
I think weÂ’ll miss ya SteveÂ…goodbye
RUPERT McCALL 2006

The retreat was a blast, it ran so smoothly and all the ladies that came were fun and friendly and they all seemed to have such a good time which is what we want to see. Claire and I came away from it feeling we had achieved what we wanted to achieve and that is always a great feeling.
Now it is back to reality and I decided that while the shed was virtually empty that I would take the opportunity to rearrange it so that everything would fit that little bit better. So I got poor Gary to measure everything and we created a cardboard diagram of the shed and moved things around until I was happy and Gary rearranged the shed for me. Now all I have to do is put everything back and de clutter! What is it about this hobby that breeds clutter LOL
This of course is taking longer than I expected but will be so worth it!
Gary and I went to Cairns on Monday as he had to see his boss about a pay rise, cross fingers that after their interview it goes through :) While he was in with the boss I went shopping at Bunnings with Rhett. I was just going to look around so I let Rhett lead the way on where he wanted to go, the first thing he wanted to look at was the flowers, it was so cute how he showed me around and pointed out things he was interested in.
I of course couldn't not buy anything so I bought a shelving unit for the shed, a couple of stacking baskets and a terracotta pot :)
We also went to Cairns Central and bought some new summer clothes for Rhett from Best and Less, people in the city don't realise how handy Best and Less is for us country bumpkins, cheap clothes for kids who wreck them at the first opportunity is always a bonus and they had a sale :)
Also did some grocery shopping at Bi Lo but I don't think they are any cheaper than Woolies so at least we know now!
On the way out it was Death by Caramel Popcorn (which is so delicious!) for me and ice cream for the boys and then it was off to Cairns Base Hospital to see Maria as little Taleitha is there with pnemonia poor little mite.
The Childrens ward is so heartbreaking, there was a little boy there with cellulitis (sp?) and he was crying in his sleep, they say it is a very painful condition, I just wanted to go and hug him as his mum had to go out for something and so he was all by himself. I don't know how those nurses do it!
Of course I didn't realise until the way home that the P&C meeting was on that night so I was absolutely stuffed but had to go as I am the secretary and missed the last meeting!! It was ok though and have already typed up the minutes so am feeling very organised.
Mum came over today and cleaned the house while I was working LOL she is such a darling, it would have taken me until midnight tonight to get everything done if she hadn't of helped out, she says she is going to come over twice a week and help out!
Rhett spent the afternoon with his friend Lillian from school, they are so adorable together, I did a layout of the two of them from this years fancy dress, will upload it to the Memories and MOre gallery http://www.memoriesandmore.com.au/photopost41when I get around to scanning it. She made him a present, a gorgeous drawing of her and Rhett and their houses. God I love this age (preschoolers)
Rhett has finally decided on his Show and Tell Topic for Thursday, he was talking about another little fella having a necklace and was confused about boys wearing necklaces so we explained that boys can wear necklaces as well etc and then I remembered he had a necklace that was given to him by his godmother at his christening, a beautiful gold cross, so he is taking that with a scrapbook page I did of his christening.
Ok well that is 5 days worth of posting so will leave it there with a few photos from the retreat!

Am just waiting for Gary to get back from down town and then I am off to Kuranda to set up for the retreat.
Went over to Mareeba yesterday to finalise things with Claire, while we were over there we dropped into the tattoo shop as I want to get a tattoo of a witch on my lower back, she had a silhouette of a witch there that I really liked but now am wondering if I want colour instead? It was $330 which is pretty pricey but have wanted it for years!
Also checked out the Rivers clearance store and found it a little overwhelming but great prices and would be excellent if you knew exactly what you wanted, could pick up a great bargain
Claire and I finalised everything and I am feeling very confident that we are 100% organised, will let you all know after the retreat whether this was the case LOL
We then headed off to Cynthias to organise the truck to come over and load up all the stock and supplies and had a look around her farm and had a cuddle of little Lachlan, he is the most beautiful baby!
Came home, packed up all the stock and loaded it onto the truck. Megan repackaged some new Prima flowers for me and then finalised all the last minute stuff. Watched My Name is Earl .. love that show it is so funny and some of the Footy Show with Gary, then I went to bed early :)
Mal came over this morning to ask me if Savannah was going to the Blue Light disco tonight (I had forgot about it, so will have to tell Gary) and then he said is he going to Tess' birthday party on Saturday night, this is the first I have heard of it!!
The invite is probably in the bottom of her bag, so poory Gary will have to organise that too! On the bright side he will have the house to himself with Rhett almost all weekend
Mum and Dad move out today!! Woohoo, don't get me wrong I love them dearly and they have been a great help while they lived here but I just want my house back!
Anyway am rambling and starting to panic because Gary is still not back!!! Better leave it here and will post about the retreat when I get back :))

Well a much more productive day today! I got lots acheived which is great news, the DT magazine, the weekly newsletter and the Retreat class.
Things are starting to come together in the business, am also caught up on my emails which is a miracle!
Rhett came home with a beautiful colour by numbers and was just so darn proud of it, had to show everybody and then wanted to go to bed with it, just too cute, just had to scan and share it!














Savannah forgot her homework again, which really annoys me on two levels, one because she forgot it and two because she isn't concerned as she obviously doesn't get into too much trouble! Other than that she was actually very sweet today until she piled a bowl full of ice-cream way too high and fought with her brother she isn't even a teenager yet, god help me!

Germaine Greer pissed me off! I cannot believe how bitter and insensitive that woman is, I do not agree with her views at all and I for one am an Australian who wasn't embarressed by Steve Irwin and even if I was, this is not the time to be criticising him, why didn't she do it when he was alive, the evil witch!

Ok so have a few more emails to read and then I think I will head to bed as I have a lot to do tomorrow preparing for the retreat!

Woke up this morning feeling like CRAP! I couldn't believe how exhausted I felt, maybe I am just emotionally drained, such a great week and a horrible week all in one. First I come home from a trip to Townsville to see the Cowboys win to the heart wrenching news that Rani had died, I was in shock for two days and wondering how I could let Mel know just how sad and deeply touched I was by this little girl. And then of course yesterday Steve Irwin died, which I couldn't believe how much it touched me, not much shocks me these days but that certainly did. I think everything caught up on me today as I didn't do much at all, I managed to unpack and price all the new products that arrived last week and do a bit more on the class project but that is all!
The rest of the day I spent watching TV on Austar, this is the way I deal with things when I am in a funk.
Tonight I decided to finally do this blog, I used to keep a journal religiously but I let that slip because of lack of time, so I am going to try and post on my blog every day whether anybody reads it or not doesn't matter as it is a way for me to vent all my thoughts out.
Gary is home on holidays and I am sure that is messing my routine, although I love having him home it is very distracting!!
Tomorrow we are going to go and play bowls in the afternoon which should be fun, I just hope I am not leaving everything to the last minute for the retreat, but then again I do work best under pressure.
Anyway my very first blog, not very exciting or interesting or even happy for that matter but it is a start and I hope that this forum will be a way for me to record my life. I do have a lot to be grateful for so will write down my 5 gratitudes each day :)
Gratitudes for Today
1. I finally finished unpacking and pricing the new products
2. TV - it really helps me escape my reality when I need it
3. Boiled Eggs on Toast
4. I am reading a great book Grace by Robert Drewe
5. Starting this blog